Rogue Reverend

Wonder

The reverb10 prompt today is, “How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?” (Author: Jeffrey Davis). I can’t say for sure that I cultivated a sense of wonder this year. But one thing filled me with awe.

I was filled with awe when I worked with a newly (very newly, like 5 minutes new) diagnosed HIV+ person, helping him set up an appointment with a physician for a confirmation test, talking with him about how to tell his wife and his family, about who in his family needed to be tested, who left my office visibly crushed by the news. I was filled with awe when he returned to my office two weeks later to tell me that he had seen the doctor. He said, “When I left here that day, I was a mess. I was messed up. But I came back to tell you today, that I’m good. I’m good.”

The clients that I work with every day fill me with wonder. Wonder at their stamina, their strength, their wisdom, and their care. Loving, caring, bright individuals who remind me, daily, that we’re all created unique and we’re all worthy of love.

Moment

The prompt this morning from reberb10 says, “Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).” (Author: Ali Edwards)

Funny, I can’t tell the internet about the moment I felt most alive, so I’ll pick the second…

Just after the time change, I was driving home just past dusk on a Tuesday afternoon. The light was that really dark light, before your eyes settle in to the idea of night, before your heart believes that day light savings time has gone away, when you could just as easily go to bed early, because, surely, it’s later than it seems. And it seems really late.

And I was driving (see Dec 1), up the George Washington Parkway, covered still with the foliage of summer, turning brown, but shading the highway no less, because the trees all meet in the sky, making the highway feel like a tunnel. So, yeah. It was dark.

Just toward the end of my way on the highway, just as I am in the turn lane to get off of this stretch of road, I deer stops on the shoulder to my left. He stops, stares straight at me, bucks, and thankfully, runs the other way, toward his mother, who is standing in this same corner of the cloverleaf.

Why is this the moment?

Because I felt the beauty of the nature surrounding me. Because I experienced the jolt of remembering that life is fragile, my life and the deer’s life. Because I was aware of my own gratitude that the beautiful animal didn’t charge at my car that moment. And because I was deeply, deeply saddened by the idea of the deer trapped in the meadow of that highway cloverleaf.

And it felt alive.

Writing

The prompt for today in #reverb10 is “What keeps you from writing?”

Time keeps me from writing. There’s just not enough of it. So, for next year, I resolve to have more time. I am going to have 26 hours each day, where everyone else has 24. Then I’ll have 2 hours a day to write, create, dream, and I’ll SMOKE all of you!

Wait! You mean I have to create that time? I only get as much time as Jesus had? Okay. I am not a morning person, and I’m barely an evening person, so I resolve to take more time in my days off to write. To recognize that it feeds me, rather than being work, it’s play.

One Word

I am participating in a #reverb10 for the month of December (thanks, @revsongbird for the link), found here. The assignment for December 1 (yes, I’m already late!) is to use One Word to describe 2010.

My word is Drive.

Since January 4, 2010, I’ve been driving from Richmond, Virginia to Washington, D.C. for my new job at HIPS. I drive in on Monday mornings, most days leaving at 6 or 6:30, then stay with friends until Thursday when I drive back to Richmond after work. I am spending about 16 hours a week driving.

But, interestingly, there’s another reason why Drive is the word. I have been driven this year to get in better shape, to be healthier, and, yes, even younger, next year. but I’ve been struggling with my own desire not to be athletic, but to be healthy. Getting fit and becoming athletic are two different things, and one naturally comes after the other. But I cannot find the drive to get to the athletic part. Which has affected my drive to get healthy. I don’t have the drive right now.

So, next year I would like a little more drive when it comes to being healthier. And I’d like my drive time (in traffic) to be shorter.

But I do have drive in other areas. Gotta get moving!

In Honor of Tom, on the occasion of World AIDS Day