Rogue Reverend

Who Am I?

Some days, I don’t know who I am.

Audacia Ray wrote a post at Feministe this week about American Sex Worker Activist Projects and mentioned Star Light. She wrote, “There is also the now sadly defunct Starlight Ministries, an outreach ministry to exotic dancers that was totally awesome and not in any way a creepy paternalistic shaming religious group.”

Ever since I resigned from Star Light Ministries, the organization I founded as an outreach to sex workers, I have struggled with my concept of who I am. It’s not so much who I am inside, but who I am outside. What do I tell people I “do for a living?” How do I express my passion for people deemed “unacceptable” by the Church, by society at large, by whatever social circle I seem to find myself in, and still be “just a pastor.”

The church that I pastor is amazing. They are smart, funny, easy-going, committed, and so accepting. I really love being around them in a way I haven’t felt in church in a long time. And my love for them seems to grow.

And yet, there’s me. Who am I? WHO AM I?

Many, many years ago I read a story in a book of Russian fables about a student who goes to Minsk to study. But he’s miserable. So he searches out a hermit Rabbi in the woods and says, “When I was in St. Petersburg, I prayed. I read books. I studied. I was happy. Then I moved to Minsk. Here, all I can do is cry. Tears is all I have.” The Rabbi answered, “Maybe what God wants from you now is tears.”

So maybe me not knowing who I am right now is precisely what God wants from me.

Start Reading Journey Mama Now!

I rarely try to convince anyone to do anything.

But if I were going to convince you to do anything today, it would be to start reading, regularly, a blog called Journey Mama. It’s about Canadian Rae, who is the mother of four children, married to American Chinua, living in India (Tibet?), well, right now, I don’t know exactly where they’re living. They’re on a journey!

This is from Rae’s latest post:

This is what I have learned about hospitality:

1. No one cares if your house is perfectly clean. What everyone craves is to be welcome.
2. The smallest things are gestures of inclusion. A cup of tea, the offer of your kitchen if they’d like to make themselves a sandwich.
3. Children are very hospitable, if you allow them to be.
4. You can fall apart, even with people over. You can say, “What a day, I’m so tired.” People want to help.
5. The world is full of lonely people. Invite someone in.

Being Enmeshed (with God)

I’ve been getting my fill of enmeshed relationships lately. You know what I mean by enmeshed? Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla (really?) define enmeshed relationships as overdependency. Dr. Drew says:

Dr Drew: Anytime you need somebody in order to be complete, you’re overdependent. Anytime you get in a situation where you lose yourself in a relationship, you’re too dependent. If you’re in a situation where you can’t get out because there’s something about what that person has that you can’t do without, you’re in trouble.

To the extent that your feelings become another person’s, that’s too much. On the other hand, to be overly independent with no concern for the feelings of others is not right either; that heads toward a narcissistic relationship. You should be independent. You should be a separate person who comes together in a relationship, not one who blends into a relationship. It’s not like a puzzle where two pieces have to be together in order to fit or to complete one another. It’s more two separate entities creating a new entity when they’re together.

Ever since I went to the church with the “Jesus is my boyfriend” music, I’ve realized that the religion we’re encouraged to have is enmeshed! Think of some of the things we say, “I want people to see only Jesus in me.” And, “Not me, but Christ in me.” And, “I am nothing without God.” This is what we teach our newest members in our churches.

And the opposite side of the coin of enmeshment is “cutoff.” A cutoff relationship is “where two individuals have no contact at all, characterized by extreme disengagement and emotional intensity where there had formerly been love, affection, or friendliness.”

Isn’t that how we “recover” from our too-close relationship with God? We create a cutoff?

God wants us to be differentiated, not enmeshed. God wants us to be close, not cutoff. Intimate, not consumed. Together, but separate.

Biblical Equality?

I’m reading a book right now called Brand Jesus:Christianity in a Consumerist Age, about the Book of Romans. This guy is pretty realistic about what Paul would and wouldn’t do, and how Paul would feel about modern things.

Which brought up a key question for me: Would Jesus believe in equality?

Certainly, Jesus believed that all human beings have value.
Certainly, Jesus believed that God was available to all human beings.

But equality? Really, that’s such a late second millennial ideal. Would Jesus actually think that equality, in the way that we understand it, is good?

It just always seems to be that we celebrate a very democratic idea only we couch it as if God wanted it that way. For the record, I believe in equality under the law. Democracy seems to really work best with it.

I know, I know. There’s some verses that can be proof-texted to say, “This is equality,” like Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” However, Paul was really talking about division here, not equality.

So, what do you think?

And, on that note, Happy 4th of July, the day that celebrates our equality.

What Captures My Attention

You know what captures my attention?

Relationships.

I know it sounds stupid, but I want to know why relationships work. What makes one person like you and trust you, and what makes another dislike and distrust you? What is that little electric charge you get when you meet someone you like?

And what’s the best way to cultivate it? I know it’s about spending time together. Building mutual experiences. Listening. Talking.

And how do you sustain it? Across miles, new adventures, new experiences?

I just want to know. And keep doing it. And getting better at it.