Rogue Reverend

Get Thee to Church!

The Rogue Reverend is not a typical Christian. Lest you be deceived, most Christians aren’t as cool as Lia. Do not assume that because you like the Rogue Reverend, Christians are cool. Do not rush to your local church looking for friends like the Rogue Reverend.

However, there are some good reasons for finding a local church. For instance, if doctors have determined that a weekly dose of transubstantiated Jesus through a communion wafer and grape juice is the only cure for the leprosy that is threatening to eat away your nose, you should find a church. What about when all your friends disown you, and you need a group of friends motivated completely by guilt and Christian submission to put up with your narcissistic and abusive tendencies? Find a church. Perhaps you’ve come to such a place of acceptance of yourself that there is no external motivation for you to become more perfect. You need a portion of guilt, whether through Scripture reading and preaching, or just the general pathos of Christianity that expects you to like everyone, let everyone be mean to you, and feel like you’re just not good enough, dammit. Your local church is perfect for this.

In such extreme cases, it’s obvious that you need church. However, a church similar to the church where the Rogue Reverend pastors is not the kind of church you need. You need what is commonly known as a “conservative” church.

The following list will facilitate your avoidance of a church like the Rogue Reverend’s.

First, you must stay away from churches that say things like “all people,” “inclusive,” or “affirming.” Run like hell if you see these words.

Second, if you see a female pastor in any role other than “minister of women,” or “director of children,” you’re in the wrong place. In fact, other than participation in the music, women should have no role in the worship service. This includes ushers, deacons, lay leaders, and anyone who reads during church. The Bible is clear on the role of women in church. They should be seen and not heard, unless it’s singing.

Third, you’re going to get what you need in a church that is predominantly white. An African-American church will run the risk of preaching equality and justice. White churches are much better at espousing Republican family-value issues.

Seriously, folks.

There are really Christians out there who believe like the Rogue Reverend. There are people in church WHERE YOU LIVE who believe like I do, who care like I do, who are willing to deal with the difficult issues of today, and end up on the side of grace, love and acceptance. And heck, who may even believe (or not believe!) like you do!

I don’t know all the churches in your area, but if you are thinking about finding a church, check out a few things:

• Mainstream denominations, which include Presbyterian Churches of the United States of America (PCUSA), Alliance of Baptists, Episcopal (although you do have to research a little, and make sure that they’re not leaning towards the Anglican side, which is the anti-gay side), United Churches of Christ (UCC), and Disciples of Christ.
• If you are unsure of your own feelings about God, whether you are Christian or not, and think you want a safe place to figure that out, especially without the Christian language, check out your local Unitarian Universalist Church. Diversity is the name of the game in UU, and you’ll definitely find someone in the congregation who shares your views.
• Don’t assume that all ministers are anti-choice, homophobic, Republican, pro-war, or believe that the way they believe (about God and politics) is the only way to believe. It’s just not true. Congregations usually have a wide variation of political views, though, and the pastor may not bring up their divergent views from the pulpit.

The most important thing to do if you’re thinking about finding a community is listen to yourself. If you feel judged, leave. If you find yourself feeling faint because they’ve just used 72 masculine words for God and not one singular feminine one, it’s probably not a good match. But don’t give up. Try a different church next week.

You might look at me and ask, “Why should I go to church, Lia?” And honestly, I struggle with that question every day. But here’s why I go: community.

I have belonged to one community or another for the last 13 years, and I have received so much acceptance from them that they have impacted my life for the better. And you know the other thing? Those same communities gave me opportunities to offer that same acceptance.