Rogue Reverend

Scandals, Cycles, and Sex

I’m preaching on sex this Sunday. I can’t figure out what to say. So I’ve been reading a lot.

This morning (thanks to Amy Butler for a facebook update idea) I read about Ted Haggard’s latest misery. If you don’t remember Haggard, he was the leader of the National Association of Evangelicals, pastor of a mega-church in Colorado, and an anti-gay activist, preaching against homosexuality and gay marriage. He is in a cycle of misery. His latest? Another gentleman speaking out about his sexual relationship with Haggard.

Haggard obviously makes me angry, because of the hypocrisy of his stance. And on a deeper level, it kills me that anyone can be so hateful and exclusive to a group of loving people.

But even more than angry, Haggard makes me sad. When we fight who we are, are dishonest about who we are and what we do, and cannot bear for the world to see us as we are, well, I just can’t imagine any worse feeling. Feeling lonely, dirty, and ultimately, like a piece of shit, sucks.

Haggard, in a letter to his church, wrote, “There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life….”

How do we combat that? How do we fight that feeling? First, we take off the mask, not only to ourselves, but also to those who love us. Second, we begin to understand that we are not alone feeling the way that we do. We seek others who have worked through those same feelings. And third, we allow people to love us. When we see that we are lovable, we begin to see that we can love ourselves, and the cycle goes on and we accept more love and feel more love and give more love.

Accept more love, feel more love, and give more love. Now there’s a cycle I can live with.